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Advice for a shut-in?
I was thinking of this for quite awhile. I wasn't sure whether to call myself this, but I haven't left my dwellings in months (since... July I think?), except with the occasional exit here and there. So I guess the term is accurate. I sit at a computer, listen to music, or play video games. Really all I do.
I do have a lot of anxiety in social situations (also pretty sure I have some form of a mood disorder). I get nervous just talking on the phone. And I don't feel I can talk to my parents, because I'm scolded pretty much no matter what I say, and they're expecting me to do things on my own. Friends? None really to speak of. Never really did unfortunately. I had people I were "friendly" with, sure, but I clearly cared more than they did. Once I finished school (while having some of the lowest grades in the school), I kind of refused to leave. I used to have a lot of hope as a younger child. I was a straight A student, and I actually didn't care about not having friends. Wanted to get a good job, had hope of a life. But the older I got... I'm not sure what happened really.
Put simply, let's say I wanted to reach out for assistance, but don't really have anyone to reach out to. And unlike Futaba Sakura, I can't go ask the Phantom Thieves to go steal my heart, haha. It seems like trying to be dependent on others to any degree and my tactics for making friends, haven't worked.
And I know this is a little more personal than what you're probably used to on this site, but playing these games often get to me. A lot of their characteristics fit very well for me, to be honest. Usually, it's a mix of multiple characters, but still.
Any advice for me? Something I can do myself? Have any of you dealt with this, or someone like me? Thank you in advance. Anything would be helpful.
I can relate to your situation, albeit not on the scale you're dealing with at. Video games and anime/cartoons have shaped me into who I am, which I'm eternally grateful for (nothing on the obsession level, I assure you). In my case, they changed very minor things about me, such as my appearance. Persona 4: The Animation was one of the first anime I ever watched in middle school, so I sort of popped my collar like how Narukami did (no regrets lmao). I eventually stopped, but it did help me break out of my comfort zone a little bit. Start by changing minor things about you that lets you feel more comfortable. Having at least someone or something to look up to or influence you is important for having something to believe in.
Some other advice that doesn't relate to what I said before is to take it easy when someone suddenly starts talking to you, or when you think someone is about to talk to you. It's not easy at first of course, but learn to pause and breathe when talking in order to have a breather (no pun intended). You don't have to immediately respond to them. Yeah it's really harrowing when the conversation is silent for a split second, but it gives time for the other person and you to process what is being said. I haven't perfected this yet myself, so I have no idea if it'll work for you.
Uh sorry that my response is really long, idk if this will help at all. Remember to take it easy, bro.
Persona 4: The Animation was one of the first anime I ever watched in middle school, so I sort of popped my collar like how Narukami did (no regrets lmao). Having at least someone or something to look up to or influence you is important for having something to believe in.Yeah, you're fine there. I uh... actually have the Yasogami uniform, and Naoto's hat. So, who's the weirder one? Haha. And these days, I do dress in a more formal style like some of the characters, though I'd say it was a more natural evolution of my fashion sense (or still, lack there of lol). Regarding that point about someone to look up to, I don't got much aside from maybe fiction. And really, all that's done is make me to be a detective. I also loved murder mysteries and stuff like that (which is why Persona 4 especially appealed to me quite a bit). And people don't usually talk to me. I'm the one who usually has to make that first step. I find it ironic, people wanted to talk to me when I was acting more like a natural loner, who didn't want to speak to anyone. But now, that I try putting on a friendly, care-free attitude, people don't seem to want to. It's a little rough when my parents are constantly trying to force me into these situations (like school or work), with zero understanding and support (and then, they'll go comparing me to my siblings and saying other things to demean me). I do understand your point though. To take things a bit easier. With all the outside pressures, it's difficult. I will try. Thank you! And no worries, my posts are way longer than what you put.
I was the same way growing up, that I never had anyone to confide in.
Most people can't be self-sufficient all on their own, or gain that level without some help. Can't move on without help and you need to move on to find more people to help.
It's a paradox.
All you can do is start forcing yourself bit by bit to do things and you soon realize it's not as bad as you think. The dread almost always tops the actual experience. Start talking more and more and work your way out of it.
And eventually, while you won't ever be fully normal like everyone without this issue, you find yourself managing more and more.
I can't reiterate enough to start meeting new people. Nothing helps more than being around your friends and those who want to help you through it, or at the very least, understand it.
If you want to look at Persona again for an example, look how friends helped Futaba. It's pretty much the same thing.
Yeah, well, it seems like everyone in the Persona games had an issue that was helped by friends. And we've seen what lack of friends did to someone like Goro Akechi. And I can certainly put on a mask and act like I'm completely friendly with no issue, but it didn't seem to help any. I guess changing personalities wasn't the answer. It'll take time, but I'm trying to get more out there. Problem is, I have literally no reason to leave home at the moment, and lack much motivation todo so.
There's your problem.
You'll never make real friends by not being yourself. Quality over quantity.
I suppose so, sure. But when being myself didn't work, I had to try something.
Find places you can be yourself. You'll find people who like you for you.
Online friends are just as important as real life ones.
Oh, I know online friends are important too. Even those are hard to find.