Own a can of paint for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and 9 mm. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my flag on the second man's corpse, miss him entirely because it's a fucking seizure again and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the tomahawk missile mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with food coloring, "Tally ho lads" the food coloring shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix RP and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular flagpole wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.