"K"icks

Alex continued to kick the statue, knowing from experience that kicking statues either cursed you, or gave you stuff, and Alex was probably too drunk to assess any of the risks.

Alex walks over to the tree to pick up the head, but not before kicking the statue one last time.

The Kenny head faces towards the bench, where a noise is heard. Another Kenny is sitting on the bench. This time, looking more factory new.

Alex picks up the head and throws it at the new Kenny, before going over to kick the new one, with a glimmer in his eyes.

The new Kenny stands up and hugs Alex, and then forces him to drink the soda. The Kenny statue(?) then runs off into the woods and disappears. An older looking Kenny statue is now sitting on the bench.

Alex is too confused by what just happened, so he sat down next to the older Kenny.

Alex "D"rinks it.

Hippity hoppity, get this gay shit off my property Y E E T

A prerecorded message plays from the speakers of the Kenny statue, and the mouth starts moving up down in a robotic fashion. "CAW KIDS IT'S KENNY THE CROW! REMEMBER KIDS, CIGARETTES WERE ONCE RECOMMENDED BY DOCTORS! BUY SOME TODAY AT YOUR LOCAL KENNY STATION!" The Kenny statue's mouth stops moving and stops leaning into Alex. A new soda appears in it's hand.

Alex drinks the new one.

The Kenny statue produces a new soda in its hand and its mouth begins to move again. "CAW KIDS IT'S KENNY THE CROW! REMEMBER KIDS, GASOLINE IS NOT TO BE EATEN! IT MAY HAVE A LOOOOT OF CALORIRES, BUT IT CAN DAMAGE YOUR STOMACH! the kenny company is not at fault for ingestion of gasoline sold at its stations. please watch your children and never let them go out of your sight. The Kenny statue stops moving and slowly starts to unrust.

Alex just stares at the statue now, very, very confused.