What exactly do you mean? I too don't care for people besides people I'm close to. But what is the role you think you will eventually be forced to do something in? What if your role is simply to be that background character. That person who never does anything in this world, never leaves an impression, and just fades away. I mean face it, some people in this world have that role.

Y'know, when I made this account, my idea was to try and vent a little. But... whenever I try and vent, I always feel like I'm just trying to get attention. I just feel bad about it. I'm not even sure if my problems are real anymore; maybe I'm just making them up or enlargening them to try and get noticed.
I do know when this thought first started. A while back, a few years now, I had some pretty bad major depression due to bullying I had gotten for the past few years. I often would distance myself from everyone, although whether it was a feeling of fear or a feeling of being undeserving to be with everyone else is unknown to me. A few people would come and talk to me. These people were some of my most loved and admired people for doing that, and it's a shame I'll most likely never see them again. But I vividly remember a day when another person saw one of them talking to me, and they said, "Oh, ignore him. He's just trying to get attention."
This idea that I might be buying for attention whenever I try and get my feelings or ideas out has changed a lot of decisions I've made since then, and it's also caused a good few sleepless nights. And... I'm glad I got to say it out somewhere besides my own head.

Just note that this isn't anything RP related. I'm not setting something up.
Thanks for reading, if you did. It means a lot, honestly.
-M/JAP

Apologies for that. I didn't see your question before I posted.

I guess I'm scared to be in that role of just being someone who does nothing. Who only really cares for themselves and just lays around mooching off others. I'm scared I'm going to become that, I suppose. I don't necessarily want to leave an impression, but I don't want to be a nothing.
If that contradicts a bit with what I said before, I apologize. I have a tendency to waver a bit with my wording.

Thank you for responding. It really does mean a lot.

Sorry to hear that people have to act shitty like that to you. If you're just looking for attention, well that is annoying. But if you truly are just looking to vent and talk to someone, well there's nothing wrong with it. It's quite interesting the first post you made honestly. I don't think many people would start off talking about their issues like that. Maybe I just like helping people or maybe I like to see what you're thinking, since it grabbed my interest. I wouldn't mind listening to you vent, if there was a better way to communicate than these forums. But feel free to vent if it makes you feel better. I don't think anyone will have a problem with you, friend.

You control your own life right? So be somebody if that's what you want. You don't have to be the person that does nothing but mooches off others. Just do what you think is right.

Thank you, but I'd prefer to say away from PMs or anything that's just between myself and another. It's just a little too personal, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I know that's kinda ironic, but it's how I feel.

I know I can take my life into my own hands, and I need to, but I'm just so worried I'll fall into old habits and never learn to live life. I have a really bad tendency to expect the worst when it comes to things, or at least always remember it's a possibility, even when it's completely improbable. Just as an example, I used to be extremely scared of airplanes and rollercoasters to the point of almost crying since I was so worried they'd crash. I'm much better now, but it's still there in the back of my mind.
So I have the thought of myself failing life and living my days on the street stuck in my mind every time I made a decision that regards my future, or even talk about it.

You can succeed in life without great risk if you prefer. Simply make choices that make it impossible to fail. Only make choices that benefit you without causing any problems or negative results. There may be a chance to take a risk and it can pay off, but you can play it safe if it calms your mind. If you play it safe you won't ever fail at life. But you may not progress too far. You may still succeed though, so the choice is yours. When it comes to your future, choose what you know will be a 100% good choice, or as close to 100% as possible.

I have something to respond to that with directly, but it's stuck in my head right now. It's tough to get out.

Anyways, I appreciate you talking with me. It's very tough to find the courage to go to someone else and talk about this stuff, so I'm glad you came to me. While I can't say my moral values match up with your own as it seems to me, you've given me plenty to think on. Thanks again.

I've been thinking a lot lately. Thinking much more than I have in my whole life. Whether Phansite started it or not, it still contributed to it heavily.
I've looked at a lot of people in my life now, and realized how privilaged I am and how much I do nothing with that. And I think my issue may be I don't want to do anything with it. I just want to live in my own little world, and not bother with other people unless I like them. Of course, you can't stay that way forever, and that's what worries me. I'm so scared that once I need to step up and do my part in the world, I won't be able to. I'll just keep retreating farther into my little world, until I have no where else to run.

Just needed to get this off my chest.
-M/JAP