Wedding Crashers 3 - Phansite Archive

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Ene

Wedding Crashers 3

(The lovely chime of a bell can be heard in the summer wind as the scene pans down to what appears to be a wedding. A huge floral arch hangs over the head of Ene and a snake with the body of a man as the two gaze lovingly at each other. In between the two of them stands a wyvern wearing priest clothing and a spiffy pair of glasses. He appears to be ordaining the ceremony as the time for final vows draws near. The outdoor seats are filled with what appear to be a variety of snakes each displaying a hint of emotion from their beady eyes. While doves fly behind the arch setting the stage for the lovers entrance into a happy domestic life.) (Ene wearing a shortened wedding dress gazes at Snake-chan with a smile as she slightly adjusts her bridal veil. ) (While Snake-chan in his male human costume tries not to show his pre-marital nervousness.) (The wyvern pretending not to notice the couple's anxiety continues to drone on with the traditional words.)

Bgammax

*Gamma, a good friend of the pair, sits towards the back, clearly uncomfortable among all the snakes. All he can do is look on in both shock and awe as the ceremony continues..... He quietly mouths* What am I looking at?

BonafideMonafide04

*awkward clapping can be heard in a chair in the background* Yaaaaaaaaaaay!

Pikadaboi

*Bursts through the tinted glass and takes as much of the fruit punch and alcohol possible, then takes a seat*

Shiranui

No idea Gamma! Why are we here again? I thought you had a magic device to do or something!

Pikadaboi

Hey Bona, want some punch?

Bgammax

*Gamma shhhhes his persona and makes an effort of hiding the glowing dragon that appears to be made of fire, he whispers to it* I finished that last night, remember? I'm here because I'm a friend.... Kinda.... Either way I got an invite, and you don't refuse wedding invitations.

Ene

(Ene offers a slight wave to the crowd while Snake-chan nervously adjusts his bowtie. The priest looks down at the soon to be wed couple with a toothy grin and solemnly states ...) I am here today to oversee the union of this oddly blue haired girl and this ... (The wyvern adjusts his glasses with a claw tap and curiously gazes down at Snake-chan. He tilts his head as if trying to find the words for what the future spouse is.) Snake-man ... Snake ... Man? (The wyvern coughs in an attempt to proceed.) This scaly young man here in a sweet looking suit.

Pikadaboi

*Drinks whiskey and yawns* Why am I here again? Hey Gamma, is she really gonna marry that snake nerd?

Shiranui

*Shiranui then notices how loud he is, trying to hide himself by wrapping around Gamma's legs, whispering back Oh that's right! Well its good that your finally increasing your social links! I can finally start gaining some more power! Persona is the strength of heart!

BonafideMonafide04

*more clapping*

Pikadaboi

*Light clapping, followed by whiskey and fruit punch drinking*

Bgammax

*Gamma looks over to Pika and shushes him* We're in the middle of a ceremony. And I honestly have no idea what's happening beyond that, but please be polite. *Gamma sighs and gives Shiranui a quick glare* Oh great, I'm getting friendship speeches from you too. I'm pretty sure social links are mostly for wild cards. Do I look like I can replace you right now?

Shiranui

It ain't a friendship speech! It's a power speech! You don't have to be friends persay! Just have enough trust to work together to accomplish things that you can't on your own! You aren't going to be a wildcard with that attitude! Gotta stay positive!

Ene

(Snake-chan blushes under the compliment as he lovingly looks back at Ene. His fake human hand reaches out to her open left palm and gently grasps it in a sweet gesture. This causes Ene to slightly blush as her eyes appear to tear up a bit and a frown appears on her face before upturning into a smile.) (The wyvern continues to drone on and the rest of the words are barely heard due to how boring his tone is.) (As the words are spoken the rest of the snakes almost fall off their respective seats while leaning in anticipation.) (Finally the wyvern get to the good part that everyone cares about.) Now Mr. Snake man do you take this lovely young lady to be your lawfully wedded waifu. (Snake-Chan gazes at Ene with fierce red eyes as she considers this.)

Pikadaboi

So, Gamma's not or is a wildcard? All I got is one persona, so I guess I'm normal?

The_Black_Samurai

Love... Such a useless concept. They'll likely be divorced eventually... Such sentimentality doesn't exist in this world. Humans are creatures of desire first and foremost. *The Black Samurai makes her move, looking to steal some expensive wedding gifts*

BonafideMonafide04

*even more clapping*

Pikadaboi

*Slaps Black Samurai* Hey! No stealing!

Bgammax

*Gamma continues bickering with his persona* If that was how becoming a wildcard works, which it isn't, then I'd be fairly tempted so I wouldn't have to talk to you anymore. Unfortunately, its not, so I do, and had better get used to it.

Ene

(The only wedding gifts the Black Samurai manages to find are plenty of items made out of shed snake-skin and a cage filled with mice.)

Pikadaboi

*Looks at mice cage* What?

The_Black_Samurai

Stealing is fun. You should try it sometime. People become their strongest after a great disappointment.

Pikadaboi

I mean, I run a criminal organization. And I kill. And rob banks... Yeah...

Shiranui

You could always cast me away! You just have to break contract with me and lose your persona! That's probably not smart though! So I'll be sticking around! *Shiranui then lays down on Gamma's lap like an annoying cat, smiling and acting smug

Pikadaboi

Pretty annoying persona you got there eh? I got a Magatsu Izanagi which I guess is pretty cool, but he doesn't talk...

Bgammax

Last I checked, Shiranui doesn't talk either. But apparently it wants to be annoying sometimes. *Gamma looks into his bag and ponders* Although, I do have a few spellcards. So kicking him away IS an option

Shiranui

We all know you won't! Or else you wouldn't be able to say your signature move!

The_Black_Samurai

Well, I'm sure there's a market for this. This Pikachu lives a very exciting life, it seems.

Pikadaboi

I hardly use my persona cuz reasons. I mainly have him as a portable guy to help me out.

Ene

(Making up his mind Snake-chan flicks his tongue and gazes at the the wyvern. The wyvern confusedly gazes down at the snake as the moment drags on.) Mr. Snake Man a quick response is preferable for these kind of occasions... (Snake-chan continues to flicker his tongue attempting to tell the wyvern his reply, but to no avail. After a few more beats of silence Ene finally looks up at the wyvern with a bashful smile.) Excuse me priest but my future husband is giving his response. (Ene looks to the snake for confirmation then looks up to the wyvern.) He says I do in his native tongue. (Collective hissing is heard from all the snakes in attendance.)

Bgammax

*Gamma sighs and shakes his head* Can someone look up "courses on rejecting your inner self" right quick? That would be swell.... *Gamma looks up to the pair and grins* Well, its just about time....... To make things interesting of course.

Pikadaboi

Whatchu doin Gamma?

Bgammax

You know how, in every wedding, there's a line "if anyone can think of a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now, or forever hold your piece?" *Gamma shrugs* Well, obviously that's the best time to do something showy.... Though I might need to run afterwards. *Gamma winks at his persona* I'm sure you get what I mean

Shiranui

Oh! Are we starting? Well I'm still working with you! Just tell me what to do Gamma! *Shiranui bursts into action and coils around Gamma's Arm, ready to blast them with an Ice Age

Pikadaboi

*Whispers to Gamma* I only came here for the drinks anyways. You're gonna crash the wedding aren't you?

Ene

(The wyvern just blinks at the response and then kindly looks down on Ene.) Now Ms. Ene do you take this lovely Snake man to be your lawfully wedded husband. (Ene is about to quickly say something but then she hesitates with her hands clenched. She looks down at her feet and quietly says .) How long would this whole thing last? (Ene refuses to glance at Snake-chan as she asks this and Snake-chan's eyes appear to glow a brighter red as he simply stares at her. The wyvern just looks plain confused and states in a calm tone.) My dear marriage is meant to last a lifetime. (Ene looks stunned at this answer.)

Bgammax

*Gamma clears his throat and shouts* I have an objection your honor.... I think you missed a line somewhere. I could have sworn "speak now or forever hold your piece" came before the vows.

Pikadaboi

*Pulls out an Ak-74 and evoker*

BonafideMonafide04

*is still clapping. Will the clapping ever stop? Find out on the next episode of clapping ball Z!*

Shiranui

What Gamma said! He's the smart one! I'm just the icy one! We are about to make you the dinosaurs!

Ene

(The wyvern looks dumbfounded at Gamma's interruption and quickly pulls out a book labeled "Top Priesting For Dummies". He flips through it with clawed hands as he finally lands on the weddings page. After a college student level skim job the priest grows noticeably indignant.) I'll have you know pink haired human that you happen to be wrong. Please leave the actual wedding to us reptilian professionals. (The wedding halts as the priest continues to glare at Gamma and Ene release an unnoticeable sigh of relief. Snake-chan taps his fake human foot with impatience.)

Genm

*Genm teleports in and ties Bona's arms behind his back so he can't clap anymore.*

Bgammax

Give me a moment, I don't trust that book. *Gamma pulls out his phone and begins a series of searches* Wow, this is harder to find than I thought. Give me a moment...... *After about 5 minutes Gamma finally finds something* Apparently the phrase is "speak your piece". Instead of "speak now or forever hold your peace" it goes "speak your piece". But to be fair, most of my wedding experience comes from watching movies. Also it says absolutely nothing about the ordering, but I'm very confident its supposed to be before the vowing is done.

Pikadaboi

*Sits with ak in one hand and evoker in the other, concealed with his suit*

Shiranui

*Shiranui stays silent, the air around the place starts to chill, Gamma's breath condensing and appearing from how cold it's starting to be, waiting for the command

Ene

(The wyvern suddenly throws down his book and begins to sniffle.) If I wanted to be questioned like this I would have just stayed in the field of home design. (He begins to tear up and stamps the book into the dirt creating a crack in the ground.) That is it I am taking my talent elsewhere! (The wyvern starts to flat out cry as he spreads his wings and flies off into the sudden sunset.) (Meanwhile, Snake-chan appears stunned at this turn of events while Ene appears to be smiling with glee.)

Pikadaboi

That was quite disappointing...

Bgammax

*Gamma dismisses his persona and runs after the Wyvern* WAIT, NO, COME BACK. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DRAMATICALLY INTERRUPT THE WEDDING IF YOU DON'T SAY THE LINE? *Gamma stops and realizes he's about halfway up the aisle, in the middle of a large crowd of snakes, and shouting like an idiot.... He pauses, straightens his clothing and clears his throat* Well..... Uh.... That was.... Interesting..... To say the least.

Pikadaboi

Welp Gamma, looks like you fucked up quite hard.

BonafideMonafide04

*is still clapping. Why? Why is he still clapping?*

Shiranui

OKAY IC- Gah! *Ice started to spread for a second before retreating, the air reheating as Shiranui gets forced back into the soul of Gamma, somewhat disappointed

Pikadaboi

*Pulls out cardboard box* Welp wedding's over I suppose...

Ene

(All the snakes suddenly glare at Gamma and low hissing appears to fill the nice summer atmosphere. Snake-chan momentarily glares at Gamma too before looking at Ene and hissing a command at her. Ene's face pales slightly at the command and she raises up her hands in a placating manner.) (She nervously says ...) W-We could just reschedule this whole wedding and hire a better priest off of the internet for next time. There is really no need summon him. (Snake-chan utters yet another command and Ene begins to tremble.) My darling we can't! If he shows up he will ruin everything!

Pikadaboi

*Jumps into cardboard box*

Bgammax

*Gamma clears his throat* Well.... Now that I have most of your attention, I have one complaint. You see, Snake-chan, or should I say Clearing-Eyes, cannot possibly marry Ene. For one, valuable reason. *Gamma summons his persona to strike a dramatic pose* Because, Snake-chan should be with me. Ever since I met him in an alternate timeline and had a nice chat about how people most commonly attack him out of fear I've felt something, as though they..... *Gamma awkwardly glances around* On that note.... Is clearing-eyes a boy or a girl? I mean, I don't really care either way, they're a snake.... Don't wanna go there. But I really couldn't tell.... A... Anyways, as though they were capable of understanding me, so I hope you all understand why I cannot allow this to go through.

Shiranui

FINALLY! ICE AG- wait we aren't doing that? Oh! Right! Pose! *Shiranui then strikes a pose behind Gamma, acting like a snake and diving around in the air, freezing the area slightly to make it snow a bit, adding a bit of sparkle to the scene

Pikadaboi

*Jumps out of cardboard box, slaps Gamma, shoots self with evoker summoning Magatsu Izanagi* What the hell? You're gay for the snake? Magatsu Izanagi: *Points shotgun at self, before realizing that he was supposed to be yelling at Gamma*

Bgammax

Wait... Ga.... NO.... Though.... Dear god I can see it sounding like that. No, I was more worried that if they were married Clearing-eyes would have much less time on his hands. *Gamma leans in towards Pika and whispers* Also I really wanted to see how they would react.

Shiranui

Its okay to be gay! Its a crack to be a fag! It's cool to kiss a dude!

Pikadaboi

Oh... Right... *Jumps back into cardboard box* Magatsu Izanagi: *Takes a seat and drinks whiskey*

The_Black_Samurai

What hubris. Is such a contract really acquired for love? Is love even real? Aren't you just using eachother in the end? Only knowledge and wisdom will set you free.

Ene

(The crowd instantly silences at this revelation while Ene just stares at Gamma with her mouth hanging open.) B-But Snake-chan is a boy ...? (As for the lovely Snake in question he just appears to be stunned at Gamma's sudden confession. His red eyes appears more vulnerable then they have ever been and he raspily hisses out ...) I don't understand human.

Pikadaboi

*Jumps back out of the box and slaps Gamma, and then takes a seat, pointing a gun at himself*

Bgammax

*Gamma sighs and regrets bringing his persona out* OH COME ONE, HE DOESN"T EVEN HAVE LIPS.... How do I keep getting myself confused for gay? *Gamma clears his throat and walks towards Clearing-Eyes* Ok, for the record, this isn't anything romantic.... I swear. Its more that you're one of the like, three beings in the world I think could understand where I'm coming from.... And I'm pretty sure one of them abandoned me. *Gamma chuckles and holds out his hand to the snake-man* Now, I know much of this probably doesn't make sense, and there's a decent chance I look like I'm crazy. But I ho- *Gamma is interrupted by Pika and turns towards Pika* Hey, Shiranui, you know what time it is. ICE AGE. OOC: I'm pretty confident you know how its described by now, so go for it dude

Ene

(Sensing an opportunity Ene snaps her fingers and is suddenly in a nun outfit befitting her new plan. She picks up the crushed book and casually pushes Snake-Chan toward Gamma. Snake-Chan puts both of his hands on Gamma's chance in an effort to prevent himself from falling and as he recovers the musical tone of Ene can be heard.) Ladies, Gentlemen, Snakes ... (Ene solemnly cough and puts on a stern face.) Today we are here to unite man and Snake in the holiest of matrimonies. (What follows are seconds of Ene quickly passing over the rest of the speech effectively silencing any protest from Snake-Chan.)

Shiranui

*Shiranui bursts with joy of finally using the spell, as the air cools, as ice begins to spread from Gamma, covering the entire place in ice within seconds, probably stronger from the bond Shiranui and Gamma have DID I DO IT? I DID IT! YES!

Bgammax

*Gamma helps Snake-Chan recover his balance and looks at him confused* Wait... W... *Any of Gamma's protests are quickly drowned out in Ene's speaking until he manages to shout* AT THE VERY LEAST YOU'D BETTER NOT FORGET THE LINE. *under his breath* Someone save me.

Ene

(With the spread of ice age every hint of greenery in the area is frozen and the temperature suddenly drops from a warm summer to a cool fall. The snakes shiver from the cold with a few of them passing out due to it.)

Pikadaboi

*Breaks out of ice* What?

Bgammax

*Gamma attempts to strike his persona's head, only for his hand to go through it.* No you idiot, you were only supposed to freeze Pika. Have more control than that. *sigh* *Gamma snaps his fingers to dismiss Shiranui once more*

Shiranui

Aw! *Shiranui then dissapears, rip rip

Ene

(Offering Gamma a thumbs up Ene flips through the rest of the pages in the book. She stops once she reaches the line and instantly skips over everything just to say it.) Speak now or forever hold your peace! ( Snake-chan suddenly drops from his male human costume due to the sudden temperature drop. He shivers on the ground unable to say anything negative to prevent the rapid ceremony.)

Bgammax

*Gamma picks up Snake-chan and puts him just under his coat, to help him warm up* I thought it was.... *sigh* nevermind. There's no stopping her when they're like this.

Ene

So no one has any objections? (Ene looks at the two and smiles at Gamma's actions. She closes the book with a level of finality and finally says.) Well I guess the two of you are married now by the forces of snakes. Congrats friends! (She offers the two of them a round of applause before fading away from the area leaving Snake-Chan behind with Gamma.) (Suffering under a degree of stress from the cold Snake-chan falls asleep the minute he feels the warmth of Gamma's coat. The rest of the snakes are not as lucky having fallen asleep completely with frost on them. )

Pikadaboi

Ahahahaha.... I'm going back home now... *Jumps into cardbaord box, activates jet function, and zooms back to the Caffeine Cave*

Bgammax

Wait.... What.... I hope this isn't legally binding or anything..... Is there a legal system? *sigh* Whatever. *Gamma sits down in the mostly unoccupied area, still holding Snake-chan and sighs* Well, guess its just us for now then.

Pikadaboi

*Magatsu Izanagi then dissapears*